Jokes and Stories
The Psychic Obstetrician
The reporter couldn’t wait to interview the famous Dr. Smith, an obstetrician who had a perfect track record at predicting the sex of his patients’ unborn babies. Dr. Smith agreed to this interview only after he had retired.
“So, doc” asked the reporter, “are you really psychic? How did you manage a perfect track record?”
“Well”, said Dr. Smith, “I’ll tell you my secret. Every time I met a new couple, I would flip my desk calendar to their due date. Then I would look at them and tell them what sex their baby was going to be. Next, I would show them that I will even write it down in my calendar on that date. But, if I told them a boy, I would write down girl, and vice-versa.”
“If I guessed right, they were amazed. But if the baby was not the sex I told them it was going to be, I would say, ‘are you sure? I know I wrote it down because I can’t trust my memory. Let’s see what my calendar says!’”
A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.
The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl !" The lady said thankfully, "Oh, I must name them." But the nurse said, "You have been unconscious, so we called your brother and he has named them!"
The lady cried, "But he is as dumb as a box of rocks! So what did he name them?!?"
The nurse reassured her and said, "The girl is called 'Denise'". The woman replied, "Well, that is a pretty name, so what did he name my son?"
The nurse reluctantly replied, "Denephew".
A middle-aged lady went to her doctor with an unusual set of symptoms.
"Doctor," said the lady, "last week I went to urinate and quarters came out! Then a few days later when I went to pee, dimes came out. Then today, pennies came out! What is wrong with me?"
"Simple, my dear," said the doctor gently. "You are going through the change."
The Aerobics Class
"I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over!"
Old is ...
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.